


From Today to Tomorrow

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Hand Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-09-10
Updated: 2009-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 07:10:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/707975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Again... waiting for you at night.</p>
            </blockquote>





	From Today to Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [seinen_no](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=seinen_no).



> Beta Readers: kawaiikyo  
> Prompt[s]: from **simply_emotion** on: the_escape_from and "I have never changed intentionally." from **rusty_haven**  
>  Comments: For **seinen_no** 's birthday on September 12th. Happy birthday!  
> Song[s]: "NAMAMEKASHIKI ANSOKU,TAMERAI NI HOHOEMI Bonus Version" by Dir en grey

Die's POV

The lights of the city reflect off my window, almost seeming like the sun if only it were day. The rain on my apartment window blurs it ever so slightly, the droplets running together, merging and making their way down the pane to gather at the bottom. The air crackles with the electricity of the storm, the feeling I seem to get right before lightening strikes close by. When it comes, I don't even blink, so used to it by now that it means almost nothing to me.

Sighing ever so softly, I turn from the window, my hands buried deep in the pockets of my robe. It's past eleven at night and still you aren't home. I never know where you are or why you're gone; you never tell your secrets. It's been like this with us for years. You come and you go... and I wait. I always wait. Maybe if I really sat down and thought it out, I'd realize that it's me who's in the wrong, me who needs to pick up the pieces and move along. But I can't force myself to see it that way for longer than a second at a time.

You once made a promise to me. It wasn't much, but I took what I was given. _"Die, I promise you that I'll come around when I can."_ That used to be a lot. You'd show up on my doorstep every other night, come to lean against my wall, drunkenly giggling up a storm. For almost two years, that was how it always seemed to play out. But then, one day, you stopped coming.

I didn't mean to scare you away... I didn't mean to do anything to change how things were between us. After all, I have never changed intentionally. You still show up every now and then... usually when you're wasted beyond coherency, beyond the point in which I can do anything with you except put you to bed and pray you'll wake up sober in the morning. I miss the days when you'd come to me with only a touch of alcohol in your system, when you'd walk up to my door and no sooner had I shut it behind us than your lips were pressed hard against my own.

Those days and those memories are the ones that haunt me, that make me want all of this so much more than maybe I ever should. But it can't be helped... _love_ can't be helped. I'd never say it to your face, never admit the depth of what lingers in my heart, but it's there as sure as the world is spinning on its axis.

I find my way to the couch, curling up in the corner of it, my eyes focusing once more on the rain that splatters against my window. It's not so much depression that has settled over me as it is regret. Regret that I won't tell you what I feel, regret that I lost you when I had a firm hold on you all those years ago, and regret that you're not here, standing in front of me right now. The hour passes by just as any other hour is want to do. I find myself dozing off, the world I'm finding on the other side of my eyelids much more welcoming than the one at present. Sleep is elusive... it always has been for me. And when I do find it, it's always plagued by dreams, pictures that my mind finds it appropriate to remind me of and alter to find a better path than what happened.

_The faintest of smiles curves my lips, the heat in my cheeks beating it by far. But with the way you're looking at me, it's impossible not to feel this way. I can already feel the slow burn starting deep inside my gut, the one that I know for sure you'll put out as soon as you find your way to my room tonight._

It's not difficult to attract you to me like this. The way I toss my red hair over my shoulder, the way I give you just the slightest of grins each time you look my way, and the slick leather I've dressed myself up in all give me the way to your bed... or rather, your way into mine. You want me, you always have. Nothing in the world could pull us apart... or at least that's what I tell myself.

Hours later, I'm waiting on you, my white robe pulled tight around my thin body, my lip caught between my teeth as I sit on the edge of the bed. My vision is a little blurry, my contacts out for the night and I haven't bothered with my glasses. You don't like them, tell me they make me look nerdy. I always laugh and take them off. Tonight you don't have to tell me anything, I'm just waiting on you without them.

When you show up, using the card you've somehow convinced the lady downstairs to give you to get in, you smell like beer and sweat. Maybe it should have turned me off that you hadn't bothered to shower before coming to me, but it doesn't. I just reach for you, letting myself fall backwards onto the bed, you hovering over my body, one leg between my parted thighs. The look in your eyes tells me this is going to be everything I ever wanted it to be.

I undress you, pulling your clothes from your body, marveling at the skin that I uncover, my breathing already ragged. Your hands untie the robe, pushing it apart and exploring the flesh beneath. It doesn't take much, almost nothing at all, and I'm whimpering, begging for you to do so much more to me than you already are.

The minutes seem to float by, both longer and shorter than they should be. The robe is left behind at the foot of the bed as you urge me to the top. Once you have me where you want me, there's nothing I want more than for you to make me yours, to take me the way you always do.

Your first finger deep inside my body is a blessing, the second something surreal. By the time your slickened length penetrates me, I'm a mess. I'm already so close to falling apart in your arms, just the simple touch of your fingers driving me insane. My body arches, meeting you thrust for thrust and my voice begs, trying desperately for you to give me the last little bit of what I need.

'Please... oh, please touch me.' Our position shifts, you tugging one of my legs over your shoulder and your body leaning close to mine. Each thrust jars the bed and every time I see stars. You don't need to touch me, but you do, your hand snaking down between us, grasping my aching length and tugging. Each movement of your hand pulls free a different sound from my throat, each one implying that I'm getting closer and closer to what I aim for.

When it all ends, it's like the rush of a river, warmth shooting through my entire body and causing me to writhe in absolute pleasure. And when I'm done, I find that you are as well, your eyes glassed with post-orgasmic bliss and the look on your face nothing short of the most amazing thing I've ever seen.

I jerk awake, my breathing hard and my body aching from the position of my hunched form on the couch. Reality settles over me and I know I'm alone again. The truth hurts; leaves me aching and wishing for so much more. My hands tremble as I pull my robe tight around myself and stand up. Going right back to the window, I stare out across the city, everything distorted by the drops of water upon the glass. Maybe... it's my memory that is distorted, maybe you never enjoyed what we did and maybe you left me behind for a reason. I am your past... I have always been your past and never your future.

My arms wrap tighter around my torso, the cold seeming to seep in from the window, curling its greedy hands around my body. Even the air I breathe feels cold without you. Turning away, I make my way down the hall. Tonight... tonight will be about fixing myself, about making sure I can make it all on my own. And tomorrow will be just like every single other tomorrow I've ever had. I'll go right back to loving you, to longing for you, because when I'm honest... it's all I know how to do.

**The End**  



End file.
